Reflections on Girlhood: Lessons in Friendship, Family, and Finding Myself

Introduction

Hi friends! Happy June! With the weather warming up, I am excited for summer. Moose and I have been enjoying our adventures around the city. Reflecting on a busy week of midterms, full-time work, and social outings, I realized how unique and uplifting my catch-ups with different girlfriends have been recently. I hadn't noticed how draining some past relationships were until now. After twenty years of navigating life as a woman, I'm beginning to understand what I need from any relationship. Growing up with a single mom, who was always there to guide me, taught me to handle things independently from a young age. Her influence, along with strong female characters from my favorite rom-coms, shaped my values and friendships.

Early Years

Growing up as an only child had its ups and downs, but I got good at entertaining myself early on. I started writing stories that my mom still keeps to this day. With a big imagination and a family of educators and actors, it makes sense that I was so creative.

Once I began school in my little neighborhood, where my mom, uncle, and grandma had all gone, I made friends for life. We would walk to meet each other at the lights until we got our driver's licenses. When we were younger (and phones weren’t a thing), we had to be home when the streetlights came on. Walking to the park turned into walking home from the bar, but we went through it together. Eva and Bea, if you’re reading this, this is basically about you. You’re welcome. Growing up in a small neighborhood had its moments. Everyone somehow knew everything about everyone. But through it all, I maintained a solid foundation of friends.

When I came home crying to my mom because I heard this or that, she always had an answer. Our nightly debriefs were my favorite thing, and those conversations sparked my love for having close girlfriends. We always used to joke that we were like college roommates, ordering in almost every night and watching TV. After a bad day, we'd ask, “Funny or scary movie tonight?” I can't even remember the last time we sat at our dining room table! Since I left home, she's been sitting at the table now, haha!

My mom influenced the friendships I carry proudly today. She never intervened, allowing me the space to find my way, yet she always knew when to lend a hand, especially when crafting the perfect response to those oh-so-important texts. If you’ve been through the “girl drama” phase, you understand those messages' significance. From a young age, I witnessed her endless love for me, her students, friends, and family. Her unwavering dedication has not only influenced me but has also shaped the meaningful connections I cherish today.

Sometimes I wished I had a big sister, but luckily, my mom introduced me to rom-coms at a young age, and I've been hooked ever since. Characters like Elle Woods, Carrie Bradshaw, Samantha Jones, Andie Anderson, Andrea Sachs, and many more became my virtual big sisters. The first thing the Disney recruiter said to me when I showed up in my pink pantsuit for the interview was, “Have you seen Legally Blonde?” I said I sure have! We spent a good chunk of time chatting about the movie, and even at the end, he said, “Thank your mom for showing you Legally Blonde.” And I got the job!

These characters taught me lessons in confidence, resilience, and self-expression. They showed me what friendship is all about. Yes, there will be fights here and there, but if you have a strong foundation, you can never say anything wrong to the right person. These movies made me dream of having a secure group I could trust with my heart, and I finally do.

Middle School

Now we're getting into the good stuff: middle school! The time when all the excitement and drama of puberty unfolded. It was a period marked by constant change with students transferring schools, close-knit friend groups splitting into different classes, the emergence of new social circles, and the rise of social media. Despite being surrounded by peers, I often found myself dealing with feelings of loneliness. While I had many friends, I quickly learned that quality outweighed quantity when it came to friendship. I tried to immerse myself in different social circles, but I always felt like an outsider.

This might be a surprise to some, but I was quite shy until I found my people. In the midst of middle school drama, I found myself struggling to fit in despite my vibrant energy and dislike for unnecessary conflict. Despite doing well academically, I battled with self-doubt and feeling insecure around my peers.

Yet, during these years, one friendship remained constant: my best friend, Bea. Despite going to different schools, Bea and I shared an unbreakable bond. Throughout the chaos of our teenage years, one thing stayed the same: my friendship with Bea. Even though we were polar opposites, our connection gave me a comforting feeling of belonging and stability during those tough times.

Throughout the challenges of middle school, my mom was my biggest cheerleader. Her wisdom and support helped me navigate the complexities of teenage social life. It is quite handy to have a parent who deals with students' problems daily. Entering high school only added to the complexity of social situations, faced with new challenges and opportunities for personal growth. Yet, equipped with the lessons learned and the continued support from my mom, I faced these new challenges with renewed confidence and resilience.

High School

The big debate is: you either hated high school, or it was the time of your life. Everyone would say, “Enjoy those years, they go by so fast.” For me, they couldn’t have gone slower. Going into high school, my friends and I first thought about where we would sit for lunch, whether we were in any classes together, and how we would navigate this new environment. We went from being at the top in elementary school to the bottom again. My classes didn’t interest me, I had no classes with my friends, and I was comparing myself too much to others, trying to become something I wasn’t.

I was lucky enough to have my friend Bea with me. We made high school fun in our ways, even joining the swim team together. I did not like those 5 a.m. wake-up calls in the middle of winter, though! As I reflect, I am grateful to have had a strong foundation built with my best friend and to have navigated the highs and lows of high school together. Walking home from school before we had the freedom to drive was my favourite time to debrief about our day. Sometimes, it was even better when we’d convince our moms to sign us out of the last period so we could leave early on the days we couldn’t stand it.

COVID came along, and that was a hard time for friendships. Luckily, Bea and I were lockdown buddies and made some pretty epic TikToks and had many movie marathons in my basement in our matching PJs. The COVID lockdown period was challenging for me, as I'm sure many of you can relate.

Unfortunately, during those years, I also faced the trauma of sexual assault, which greatly affected my ability to reach out to others, leading me to withdraw and isolate myself. I’ve learned now that I don’t need to do that, and I have a strong support group I wasn’t taking advantage of at the time. After the COVID lockdown, life got better. We were seniors: a time of so much excitement, like joining the cheer team (still not sure how I made the first cut), our senior trip to the Dominican Republic, prom, and so many more unforgettable memories.

As I reflect on those years, I realize the insecurities of others and how their actions were just reflections of themselves. Once I realized my values, I chose to stand up and pick the right people for my well-being. I hold no grudges against anyone from my past. I have accepted the situations for what they are and who I am: the good, the bad, and the ugly. Once I did that, I felt free of the relationships I was holding onto that weren’t working out. Still, I always do my best to resolve the situation because my mom always reminds me that it’s important to never burn bridges, especially at the age of 20, when we start to branch out and begin our careers. High school was just one chapter, and while it had its challenges, it also laid the groundwork for the secure, supportive friendships I have today.

Adulthood

As I enter adulthood, I discover a newfound sense of fulfillment in my relationships. When I think about my tough first year at university, it was a time of struggle and pretending. I wore a mask, concealing the inner pain that weighed me down. Yet, hitting rock bottom became pivotal, encouraging me to seek the support I needed. Despite the obstacles, I persisted, completing my first year of university with the necessary assistance. Then, an unexpected journey unfolded last summer: a trip to Walt Disney World for three months, accompanied only by my best pal, Dug. Whether it was the enchantment of Disney or the change of scenery from southern Ontario, something shifted within me, and Dug, too.

Gradually, genuine happiness replaced the mask I once wore, and the friendships I forged during this time were transformative. These friends opened up about their pasts, offering comfort and understanding without judgment. Trust flowed effortlessly, and their continued support pushed me forward. Returning from Disney, I continued my journey of self-discovery with newfound confidence. I embraced change, switched programs, and started blogging. During my studies this year, I made connections with inspiring individuals, who shared similar ambitions and a love for creativity. A few of my friendships were formed from unexpected meetings in the city, often, they stopped because they were in awe of my dog, Moose.

Some of the most significant growth in my life has come from conversations with strangers, particularly during my travels. Growing up, my confidence was shaped by experiencing different cultures and meeting new people from a young age. During my time in Cuba, I formed friendships I've longed for my entire life: the kind of

spirited and supportive girls you often see in romantic comedies who always give me the advice I exactly needed to hear. They're like the big sisters I needed when I was younger, and now I finally have them. It's hard to believe I had to go all the way to Cuba and Florida to meet some of my best friends today, only to find out they live in Ontario. But that's the thing about doing things alone: you never know who you'll meet or where. That's why I always emphasize the importance of putting yourself out there and trying new things, especially going solo, because that's where you meet people who truly align with your values.

As I continue my journey through adulthood, I remain dedicated to self-discovery and surrounding myself with those who share my values. While this path may lead to parting ways with some, I understand that such changes are crucial for personal growth and taking care of genuine connections. While we may not click with everyone, it's essential for our well-being not to hold grudges but to thank them for the lessons learned and hope that everyone who crosses our path finds their people.

My Advice to You

As you navigate your own journey, here are some pieces of advice that I've learned along the way…

1. Be Yourself: Embrace who you are and let your genuine personality shine. The right people will appreciate you for who you are.

2. Learn from Every Experience: Every friendship, whether it lasts or not, teaches you something valuable. Reflect on these lessons and use them to grow.

3. Open Communication: Honest and open communication is the key to any healthy relationship. Don't be afraid to express your feelings and listen to others.

4. Set Boundaries: It's important to know your limits and set boundaries in your relationships. Don't be afraid to say no or distance yourself from toxic influences.

5. Stay Positive: Surround yourself with positive, like-minded people who uplift and inspire you. Positivity is contagious and can greatly improve your well-being.

6. Keep Growing: Personal growth is a lifelong journey. Continuously seek to improve yourself and your relationships. Learn from your mistakes and celebrate your successes.

7. Cherish Quality Over Quantity: It's better to have a few close friends who truly understand and support you than to have a large group of acquaintances. True friends will be there through thick and thin.

8. Value Your Own Company: Learning to enjoy your own company helps you discover what truly makes you happy. This self-awareness not only makes your relationships with others more authentic but also ensures your happiness comes from within.

9. Let Them: People will always have opinions about you, but what's important is how you view yourself. Stay true to who you are and let go of the need for validation from others.

10. Take Risks: Sometimes stepping out of your comfort zone and taking risks can lead to the most rewarding experiences and relationships. Don’t be afraid to take that leap, because you never know where it might lead you.

Conclusion

Reflecting on my journey through girlhood and adulthood, I'm grateful for the lessons learned and the friendships created. From my mom's guidance to the inspiration I got from fictional characters, each has played a vital role in shaping who I am and the friendships I hold dear today. The ups and downs of middle and high school taught me resilience and the value of true friendship, while my adventures in adulthood have shown me the importance of self-discovery and aligning with those who share my values. Whether through unexpected encounters with strangers or lifelong bonds formed since childhood, each friend has contributed to my growth uniquely. As I look ahead, I am grateful to my current circle of friends, acknowledging the strength and significance of these connections. My final message is that you reflect on your own journey and the friendships that have influenced it, recognizing their pivotal role in personal development and overall well-being. And if you ever need a friend, I am always here :)