Flying Solo: Embracing Singleness This Summer

Introduction:

Hi friends, sorry it's been a while. Summer school is definitely not for the weak! I didn’t know what I was getting myself into when I decided to take a full course load. But this topic has been weighing on me and is a central point of discussion as summer has begun: let's talk about being single in the summer.

If you've read my previous blogs, you know by now that I'm a pretty independent single woman and have been my whole life. I was raised by a single mom and was surrounded by strong female figures growing up. My mom chose not to share her dating life with me, making me her sole focus. I never had to witness toxic love because, even though she was one person, she was able to give me the unconditional love I understand today. Seeing my mom do it all alone meant I had to work just as hard for myself. I was my babysitter by age 9, “attempting” to have dinner ready, usually forgetting to put the chicken in the oven (sorry, Mom!).

As the years have passed, I've embraced my single life but have always been open to dating. Seeing my mom's high standards and how easily she could let go of a guy, I know my way around the dating game. So once again, this summer, I will be embracing being single and the exciting possibilities it holds. This journey of self-discovery and the joy it brings is something I want to inspire you all with.

The State of Dating Today:

Dating in our generation feels like my worst enemy. If you've read my previous blogs, you know I love romantic books and binge rom-coms. Growing up as quite the Disney princess didn’t help with setting my expectations either, so I’ve made it pretty difficult for these men. But I want you to know, you're not alone in this. We're all navigating the complexities of modern dating, and it's okay to feel this way. I thought living in a big city would make meeting people easy, but I find it the hardest. I’d much rather have plenty of fish in the sea than have a dating reunion with my hometown, where everyone finds everything out. In Toronto, I can explore my options without outside opinions until I’m ready to introduce someone. I’ve learned that once I talk about the guy, it becomes a curse, and I jinx it. This ability to set my own pace and boundaries in dating has given me a sense of control and confidence. So, how do we date these days? 

The most straightforward answer is dating apps. I’ve tried them all: Hinge, Tinder, Bumble, and I haven't left the house once! The appeal isn't there for me; I’m all about first impressions. As a hopeless romantic, I hope I don't have to say I met my soulmate on Tinder. But it’s been fun swiping left or right. I've had decent conversations with guys, which has helped me realize the traits I want in a future relationship. I’ve made it a mission to myself to go on a few dates this summer, even though it’s hard to believe I've never been on an actual date! I ask my friends how they go out with someone new every week. Is it not awkward? What if they aren’t the same in person? The main answer I get is, "The free food is great," haha. But in all seriousness, I don't think my social anxiety could handle meeting a guy I met online. Or maybe my mom just showed me too many crime documentaries growing up.

Embracing change and my fears this year is a significant step in the right direction. Another favourite when it comes to dating in our generation is Snapchat. An app that has never been a good thing for any relationship I’ve been in. The toxicity of “secret” snaps, checking Snap Maps, best friends lists, and leaving someone on "delivered" or, as we like to call it, “ghosting,” is exhausting. Many people who use the app have something they want to call a “roster,” where we have many options in the dating pool, which is the hit thing of our generation, and I’m tired of it. Sure, in high school, it was great; it built some tough skin and taught me how to speak up. But now, I’m ready for something real, and a snap a day of a mirror selfie at the gym that you're probably sending to your whole best friends list isn’t cutting it anymore. I also tire of looking presentable for the camera daily and sending photos where the conversation will lead nowhere! Frankly, it takes the fun out of the app. I prefer posting silly things for my friends to see instead of worrying if he is active now and hasn’t responded to me. These little things genuinely take a toll on you regarding dating, and it has now turned more into games. 

This summer, I decided I wouldn’t be using Snapchat as a platform to talk to guys. Instagram isn’t much better, but I find it more accurate because it is all laid out there with nothing hiding. I love stalking a guy's grid and showing it to the girls over drinks. I appreciate when guys respond to stories and engage in a conversation. There's no avoiding technology and dating today, but there are ways to use it correctly for your well-being. Focus on yourself first and your needs, and choose what you’re comfortable using on your phone for dating.

Navigating Situationships:

If you're on TikTok, you’re probably familiar with the term “situationship.” It's a relationship without labels, which makes sense for our generation. We’re all busy figuring out our own lives, and adding labels can feel like added stress. But a good relationship shouldn't be something you have to stress about. I think that's why I'm still single: I try to avoid situationships because I'd instead invest that time into myself. The term "situationship" has become synonymous with toxicity. These undefined relationships can drag on for months, going nowhere. It's strange to think that when our parents were our age, they often had stable relationships without our current serial dating culture.

As much as you want to avoid situationships, they’re hard to escape. Unfortunately, many guys are all talk, and when it comes time for the “what are we?” conversation, they aren't ready. I’ve learned that it’s time to step away if they aren't prepared. Relationships shouldn't add extra stress; when I feel a connection, I pursue it and focus on it solely. But don’t get me wrong, just because I’m single and avoid situationships doesn’t mean I don’t have fun! Dating should be fun, and situationships aren’t. So, I’m throwing the term out of my vocabulary this summer.

My mom always says I act like the “man” in the relationship, which isn’t entirely wrong. It's hard to trust again after having my trust broken so many times. I’ve learned to detach healthily. My most recent situationship was mentally draining, making me question my worth on most days. I wondered who else he was talking to and if there were others I didn’t know about. My friends even joked that he was using me for my dog, Moose! I’ve never received actual genuine acts of love from a man, but after a year of growth, self-discovery, and cutting off manipulative relationships, I knew this wasn’t how I wanted to feel. Someone who loves me wouldn’t make me feel this way and I have finally come to terms with that.

So, this summer, I’m adopting a "one-month rule." We have a month to figure out what this connection is. If you're not ready to have an emotionally mature conversation by the end of that month and want to continue the situationship, that’s when I back away. That conversation will show you what you want to see in your future partner. I now know my worth and know there is someone out there who will make me their everything. It’s essential to set clear expectations and not get caught up in potential, which I know is hard for us book lovers!

Traveling Solo:

One of my go-to remedies for anything is travel! I’ll never forget my mom telling me about ending a long-term relationship in her twenties and hopping on a plane to Australia by herself for a month. Her stories were so fun, filled with adventure and meeting new people, and a new boyfriend! Seeing my mom start solo travel at a young age inspired me. My cousins, who are a few years older than me, have also done their fair share of travel. One even met her husband and now lives with him in Edinburgh. My cousin Sabrina, who blogged about her dating life abroad, inspired me to start my blog.

Travel doesn’t have to be far. Even going out for dinner alone in the city is a significant first step. I’ve found that when I'm at a bar with friends, it’s easy to socialize if you go in with the right attitude. Improving my self-worth and confidence has significantly impacted my dating life. When you feel confident, it shines across the room. While travelling, I've received compliments like, “Never let anyone take away your energy.” It's my favourite compliment when someone notices my energy. I always try to bring positive light wherever I go because you never know who will be there. I've met some of my best friends on my solo journeys in the city or another country.

Travelling solo has numerous benefits, such as personal growth and new experiences. Here are some tips for meeting people while travelling: stay in social accommodations like hostels or guesthouses, use travel apps to connect with other travellers or locals, or engage in group activities like tours, classes, or meetups.

Safety is also crucial when travelling solo. Always research your destination, stay aware of your surroundings, and trust your instincts. Or, if you're like my mom, she sat me down and showed me a documentary on what not to do when traveling abroad to avoid getting kidnapped. Ha ha. My solo travel experiences taught me to navigate new places confidently and meet incredible people. Embracing solo travel has enriched my life with unforgettable experiences and helped me grow as a person.

Setting Boundaries in Dating:

One of the most important lessons I've learned in any relationship is setting and mutually respecting those boundaries. In past relationships, I often gave too much of myself, prioritizing the other person’s wants and needs over mine. Eventually, I realized that I was not happy and was living a life that wasn't true to myself. Once I understood what I wanted, I started making choices aligned with my personal growth. This realization sometimes meant ending relationships that didn’t support my growth. It was tough, but I had spent too long dragging myself down for others and was finally ready to live a life where my partner is equal and we support each other’s goals. In a loving relationship, you should never have to jeopardize your dreams for the other person, as this only builds resentment. 

I've made mistakes by letting people in too much and allowing them to take up all my personal space, thinking it would be worth it because they would choose me. But I’ve learned that happily ever after doesn’t exist in that way. I can control my actions, focus on what I love, and choose to spend time with people who I never have to question my worth. What frustrates me most is being ready for a real relationship, putting in the work, and having a partner back away when hard decisions need to be made.

So, set boundaries! Be honest about what you want from the beginning. Communicate openly if something makes you uncomfortable. No man worth being with will ever disrespect your time or your boundaries. Prioritize your well-being and seek relationships that uplift and support you.

Embracing Singleness and Self-Care:

Embracing singleness and prioritizing self-care have been transformative aspects of my journey. I've realized that loving oneself is not just a cliché but a profound truth. It's during those solitary moments that the most profound personal growth occurs.

Last year tested me in ways I hadn't imagined, but I found resilience in those moments of introspection and solitude. I navigated my inner battles independently, emerging more substantial and self-assured on the other side. Through this process, I've learned that I can manage my emotions and validate my worth. I no longer depend on others for validation because I've cultivated a deep self-acceptance and understanding.

The journey wasn't easy; it demanded confronting painful truths and embracing vulnerability. However, by confronting and working through these challenges, I've fostered genuine honesty with myself and, consequently, those around me. Transparency has become my strength, and I now embrace my past without reservation, knowing that every experience has shaped me into who I am today.

Self-care has played a pivotal role in this journey of self-discovery. It's about pampering oneself and nurturing one's soul and well-being. My favourite self-care activities range from journaling and meditation to long walks with Moose. These practices have helped me cultivate mindfulness, manage stress, and stay grounded in the present moment. They've taught me the importance of listening to and responding to my needs with compassion.

For anyone navigating singleness, I encourage you to view this time as a period of immense growth and opportunity. It's a chance to delve deep into understanding who you are, what you value, and what brings you joy. Invest in activities that nourish your mind, body, and spirit. Whether pursuing a hobby, travelling solo, or simply enjoying your own company, cherish this time of independence and self-exploration.

Remember, being single does not equate to loneliness; it's an invaluable chapter of self-discovery. Embrace it with open arms, knowing that every step you take towards self-love and care brings you closer to aligning with your most authentic self. Celebrate your journey, past relationships included, as they have all contributed to your growth and resilience. Someone once told me something that stuck with me: enjoy your single life, especially when you're young and growing, because you never know when you'll run into your soulmate and settle down. Trust that by nurturing a loving relationship with yourself, you are laying the foundation for fulfilling and meaningful connections in the future.

Conclusion:

In conclusion, navigating the complexities of modern dating, embracing solo adventures, setting firm boundaries, and prioritizing self-care have profoundly shaped my journey of self-discovery and empowerment. Encouraging words from my friends and family who admire how I've handled my single life mean so much to me. Despite the challenges and occasional setbacks, I've learned invaluable lessons in self-worth, resilience, and the significance of personal growth.

This summer, join me in celebrating the joys of being single! It's a season full of opportunities to focus on ourselves, explore new interests, and deepen our understanding of what truly brings us happiness. Whether navigating dating apps or enjoying the freedom of solo travel, remember to prioritize your well-being and honour your journey.

Setting clear boundaries in relationships, both romantic and platonic, is essential. It ensures that your time and energy are invested in relationships that uplift and support you. Feel free to communicate your needs and expectations openly. Remember, you deserve to be with someone who respects and cherishes you for who you are.

As you embark on this summer adventure of self-discovery, engage in activities that nurture your soul and bring you joy. Above all, embrace your singleness with optimism and gratitude. It's a period of growth, empowerment, and limitless possibilities. Trust in your journey, cherish your independence, and know that every step you take toward self-love and authenticity brings you closer to a fulfilling and meaningful future.

Here's to a summer filled with self-discovery, self-care, and the freedom to embrace who you are entirely. Cheers to celebrating the beautiful journey that lies ahead.