Navigating Love: My Journey as a 20-year-old Single Lady with Moose by My Side

Introduction

Hey there, friends! It's Emily, and I'm here to share my journey of searching for love with Moose, my trusty emotional support animal, always by my side. You might know me for my occasional complaints, but who isn't looking for love in their twenties? Growing up with just my mom, I missed seeing what a healthy relationship looks like, which influenced my approach to dating. Let's dive into the dating world, but hey, family members, you should skip this one if you're not into hearing about my love life, haha!

Reflecting on My Dating Journey:

I'll be honest, growing up with a single mom was challenging. It wasn't about the love my mom gave me but rather the absence of a male figure in my life. I had the most amazing grandpas, Papa and Sneaky Snake (yes, that's what I called him!). Unfortunately, my Nonno passed away shortly after I was born, so I never got to know him, though I've heard wonderful things. I'd love to dedicate another blog post to them sometime. Now, about my father, our relationship is complicated. I'm still working through it, but I know many of us struggle with fatherly relationships, and when I'm ready, I'll share more. But let me tell you about my incredible mom and grandma (I call her Hana), who more than made up for the absence of a male figure in my life. My mom was an actual superhero around the house. Though she did flood it or set it on fire a few times, we made it through!

Now, onto dating in my generation, what's the deal? I grew up watching romantic comedies from the 2000s, and let me tell you, dating isn't quite like that, at least not for me. I've heard stories from my grandma about ballroom dancing classes and milkshakes after. To me, that sounds like a dream. Our generation, though? It's all about Snapchatting and "hanging out." I feel disenchanted by it all. The lack of respect in online dating is appalling. Short answers or no answer at all, we call it "ghosting." But we have to roll with the times. Still, if I could have a "Back to the Future" moment and be picked up by a guy who opens the car door for me, I'd take it. But let's face it, I can't just blame my love life on the era I was born in. I have to take responsibility. Self-sabotage is a real struggle. I often felt that any guy who showed interest didn't mean it because of my lack of male love. I'm working on it and healing my inner child who never received that love from a male figure.

Setting Standards and Prioritizing Self-Love:

While the previous paragraph looked into the challenges of growing up with a single mom, it's important to note that every single mom's journey is unique, including mine. My mom dedicated 18 years of her life to me, which wasn't something I asked for, but she did it wholeheartedly. Sure, she dated along the way, and I met some interesting characters. There were some super great guys and some downright weird ones. They tried everything to win me over, but they lost! Well, except maybe for the yellow Ferrari, that was a winner (Lol!). My grandma also played a significant role in my upbringing. She raised my mom as a single parent, which runs in the family! Over time, I've embraced the idea of self-reliance and navigating life on my terms. My grandma always emphasized the importance of financial independence, hence my commitment to working since I was sixteen, steadily climbing the ladder. If I'm going to dive back into the dating pool, I refuse to make it feel like a chore. I'm all about having fun and enjoying the journey. And let me tell you, there's nothing fun about Snapchat selfies. So, this time, it's about figuring out my desires in the dating world and overcoming that creeping self-sabotage.

Overcoming Past Trauma and Toxic Relationships:

Talking about dating is incredibly difficult for me. To be honest, I feel shaky and clammy just writing about it. As I mentioned earlier, my relationship with my dad has been rocky. Some moments were small victories, while others were deeply traumatic. However, after months of therapy and finally coming to terms with the fact that I can only control myself, I found the strength to let go. Letting go has been liberating. It's allowed me to be more open and ready for the next chapter of my life. But beyond my relationship with my father, I've also faced a few other toxic relationships, or as we call them, "situationships." And there's always that one person who remains stuck in your mind. I often wonder what could have been if things had worked out. Despite my twentieth birthday being in a month, I've never been on an actual date.

Additionally, like many others, I've experienced sexual assault. I've never openly discussed it, but I'm ready to share my story and help others cope. This experience was a significant turning point that pushed me towards opening up to others. Through therapy and the guidance of various mental health influencers, I've reached a point where I feel prepared for the journey ahead. While unsure how or when my mindset shifted, I've made it to this point, and I'm ready to embrace dating with an open heart.

Embracing the Journey Ahead:

After much reflection, I decided to take a break from dating to prioritize my journey of self-discovery. It’s been a while, let me tell you! It's become clear that I must first invest in myself before I can fully invest in a relationship with someone else. Channelling the spirit of Carrie Bradshaw from "Sex and the City" has been incredibly empowering for me. Her fearlessness in navigating the complexities of love and life has inspired me to embrace my journey with confidence and authenticity. Samantha was always my favourite, though! I’m still working on achieving her boldness and unapologetic approach to love and life.While I'm focusing on self-growth, I'm also open to the possibility of love in the future. However, I've learned the importance of setting healthy boundaries and maintaining self-respect in any relationship that may come my way. I refuse to settle for anything less than I deserve and am determined to approach love with renewed clarity and self-assurance. I offer encouragement to those who may find themselves in a similar position, navigating singlehood and self-discovery. Remember that taking a step back and prioritizing your well-being is okay. Building a support network of friends and family and potentially seeking therapy can be invaluable resources on this journey. Most of my friends are older and pushing 30 (sorry, I love you all!), so they have told me all the ins and outs of dating! As I look towards the future, I'm filled with excitement and a touch of fear for the adventures that lie ahead. While the path may not always be easy, I'm committed to embracing each moment with an open heart and optimism. After all, the most incredible love story is the one we write for ourselves.

Conclusion:

Reflecting on the impact of my upbringing, overcoming past traumas, and navigating through toxic relationships, it's been quite the rollercoaster ride. But here we are, at the end of this chapter, equipped to embrace the journey ahead. Stepping back from the dating scene has presented both challenges and moments of enlightenment. It's afforded me the opportunity to prioritize self-discovery and gain a deeper understanding of what I truly want and deserve in a relationship. Embracing my inner Carrie Bradshaw, writing about love has empowered me to navigate its complexities with newfound confidence and authenticity. I'm now prepared to set healthy boundaries, uphold self-respect, and approach love with clarity and self-assurance. To anyone walking on the path of singlehood and self-discovery, remember it's perfectly okay to prioritize your well-being. Lean on your support network, consider therapy if necessary, and always remember that you are deserving of love and happiness. As for me, I eagerly anticipate whatever the future may hold. Thank you for accompanying me on this journey, and here's to the exciting adventures of the next chapter!