Introduction
Hi friends! It's been a while since I last reached out, and for that, I apologize. Life keeps us busy, but I'm excited to reconnect with you all today. Many of you on my Instagram story voted for me to share my evolving perspective on life, so let's jump right in. My earliest memories take me back to my tight-knit neighbourhood, Old Glenridge. It's where I attended the same elementary school as my mom and grandma and where they used to roam as kids themselves. Growing up, it was just my mom and me; I'll admit, it came with challenges. I often envied the homes of friends who had a father figure present.
Losing both my grandparents at a young age meant that my role models were primarily women. Despite childhood innocence, there was an underlying tension that I couldn't quite explain. But my mom did her best to provide for me as a single parent, and some of my happiest memories revolve around holidays, especially Christmas. I'd eagerly rush downstairs each holiday to find gifts waiting for me, and my mom was always there, my first and only Valentine. Christmas, in particular, held a special magic for me. I held onto the belief in Santa Claus long after others had outgrown it, and my mom played along, ensuring each year felt genuinely enchanting.
My mom was my rock, giving me the tools to navigate the world. But I was also fortunate to have amazing friends by my side. Our friendships were straight out of a movie. I felt independent for the first time by walking to my friend's house to knock on their door for an afternoon of adventures at the park, constantly with the rule to be home before the street lights came on. Some of these childhood friendships have evolved into the most important relationships in my life today—a special shoutout to my dear friend, Bea Bea, for always being there. And always being the first one rto read the blog :)
Middle School
Middle school marks a pivotal time when responsibilities begin to weigh heavier on our shoulders. By age 10, I took care of myself after school and, begrudgingly, pitched in with chores at home. It was a period of significant change: saying goodbye to old friends, making new ones, navigating puberty, adjusting to new schools, and even trying French immersion. These experiences all played a role in shaping the person I am today.
Fortunately, I received a scholarship to attend a private school, which pushed me out of my comfort zone. As a naturally quiet and reserved kid, I struggled to find my place among my peers and the school community. Yet, despite the initial challenges, attending this private school opened many doors for me. One standout memory from those years was a service trip to Guatemala during Grade 7. While most of my peers were in high school, I embarked on this journey feeling excited and apprehensive. It was a moment of growth and independence, supported by my loving mother, who encouraged me to spread my wings.
Reflecting, I realize how much those years shaped me, even though I may not have fully appreciated it then. Recent therapy sessions have shed light on my "inner child," prompting me to acknowledge the significance of those experiences. If I could turn back time, I would reassure my younger self that all the challenges she faced were necessary for her growth. I would offer her the confidence and support she needed, knowing it would eventually lead her to where she is today. While I may regret my moments of vulnerability, I take pride in the lessons learned and the person I have become.
High School Adventures
High school was undeniably a strange time for most of us, a sentiment many of my friends shared today. It marked a transition into a new world filled with unfamiliar faces, challenging classes, and expectations that felt worlds away from our elementary school days. For many, high school became a place for discovering our identities and passions amidst the stereotypes of mean girls, nerds, jocks, and goths. I would’ve never thought this narrative was true, but from my experience, it was.
High school can be tricky, especially when friendships start to fade. The loss of connections during this time can leave us feeling alone and questioning our worth. But as I've learned, these losses are a natural part of growing up. They teach us resilience and the importance of cherishing the relationships that truly matter. So, if you've experienced friendship loss in high school, know you're not alone. Embrace the lessons learned and keep moving forward. If it wasn’t for taking the step to move on, I wouldn’t have made the friends I have today who have supported me throughout this difficult journey, and for that, I and grateful and I hope I have reciprocated that to them.
Then came March 13, 2020—the day an emergency lockdown put our lives on hold. As an only child, I found enjoyment in the solitude, cherishing the rare moments spent with my mom amidst the chaos of our pre-pandemic lives. Our shared obsession with the TV show "Lost" provided a distraction, though I still can’t get that confusing finale out of my head!
During those uncertain times, I fell into unhealthy habits, staying up until the early morning hours and waking up just in time for "happy hour" (a confession I can only make now as a legal adult! Haha). Yet, amidst these changes in my routine, something we all experienced during the lockdown, a mysterious turn of events landed me in the hospital for nearly three weeks in May 2020. It was a period marked by anxiety, unanswered questions, and profound self-doubt, but through it all, I found comfort in my mom's unwavering support, and, of course, the cute nurse to keep me company when she wasn’t around :)
Emerging from the hospital felt like hitting the reset button, signalling the start of a new chapter—one that would see me navigating the challenges of school amidst a global pandemic.
Post-Pandemic High School
We've shifted back to a hybrid schooling model, splitting our classes between online and in-person sessions. Choosing mostly online courses was influenced by my increasing dissatisfaction with traditional schooling, even though I was performing well in class and had a group of friends. Yet, even within that circle, I felt disconnected. I held onto deep resentment towards myself during this period, but over time, that feeling has transformed into understanding and self-acceptance. Reflecting on those difficult years, I've come to understand the underlying reasons behind my emotions and behaviours through introspection. One helpful exercise I've discovered is creating a chronological chart of significant life events, mapping out how each phase shaped my emotional landscape. Know filled with this self-awareness, I've realized that understanding one's emotions allows for control over our lives —an epiphany I've only recently embraced, but something i had always desired.
At 16, I ventured into the world of retail, which allowed me independence and an opportunity to connect with individuals beyond my high school. Interacting with college students, I cherished conversations that transcended typical teenage talk, reaffirming my belief in maturity.
Senior year, however, presented its own set of challenges, marked by traumatic events that prompted me to seek help through therapy. Though I attempted therapy, I struggled to confront my emotions head-on, preferring instead to bury them beneath a facade of happiness. Falling ill during the winter semester forced me to complete my studies online—an experience I welcomed, with a sense of purposelessness.
Navigating through this phase, I found myself dreaming of genuine connections while dealing with my profound insecurity. Resorting to avoidance tactics, I skipped tests to write them alone and found refuge in online coursework. Looking back, I recognize that, like many teenagers, I was simply trying to drown out difficult moments with distractions.
Despite the chaos, I seized moments of joy, from partying with friends to embarking on a senior trip to the Dominican Republic, clubs t school, attending semi-formals and prom, and finally, crossing the stage at graduation.
First Year of University
I did it! I finally made my escape. With high hopes and dreams, I enrolled in the top school in Canada, pursuing my passion in Life Sciences with a focus on psychology. But as soon as I stepped on campus, that anticipated feeling of happiness and fulfillment vanished. Instead, I was met with the reality of attending a prestigious institution, startled by academic pressures and the whispered term fellow students used, "U of Tears."
Initially, I put on a brave face, attempting to immerse myself in campus life by joining clubs and socializing. Yet, despite my efforts, I found myself in profound isolation. Unable to articulate my feelings at first, I retreated further into myself, withdrawing from social interactions and even deleting my social media accounts. However, the more I shut myself off from the world, the more I spiraled into despair.
Feeling unnoticed and unappreciated in the bustling city of Toronto, miles away from the comfort of home and my mom's reassuring presence, I couldn't shake off the question: What was I doing wrong? Surrounded by individuals whose values and aspirations didn't align with mine, I became aware of the saying: "You become who you surround yourself with." All these factors leading me to the idea of dropping out.
Thankfully, I had the unwavering support of my mom, who encouraged me to persevere. Determined to forge my path despite lacking relationships within my academic community, I soldiered on and completed my first year at university. However, by May of 2023, I knew it was time for a change.
Leaving behind the oppressive environment of academia, I decided to relocate to Florida, where I landed a job at the happiest place on earth. Little did I know this decision would alter the course of my life. Though the prospect of such a significant move initially filled me with anxiety, my mom's encouragement was the guiding light that pushed me forward.
Setting forth with a single condition—that my pet Chihuahua, Dug, accompanies me on this journey. I embarked on what would become the most enchanting chapter of my life, a journey filled with magic and endless possibilities, one that continues to unfold to this day.
Conclusion
After a summer filled with enchanting moments, talked about in previous blog entries, I was on the brink of a fresh chapter—a transfer to a new university with unfamiliar courses and faces. This unexpected pivot led me on a complete 360, guiding me to the Creative School at Toronto Metropolitan University for Creative Industries, where I now focus on film and business. It's a path I never envisioned, yet one that now feels like a natural fit. Looking back, I realize that without enduring my past trials, I wouldn't have arrived at this juncture of discovery and fulfillment.
As I embark on this exciting new journey, I'm thrilled to announce that I'll be returning to Florida for a year to embark on a role as a Canadian representative with the Walt Disney Company, venturing into the world of food and beverage, a switch-up from retail. It promises to be a year brimming with fresh adventures, and I can't wait to share them with you all.
With each twist and turn, I've gradually embraced a calm state and let go of the burdens of unnecessary tension. I've learned to accept others for who they are and have dedicated myself to focusing on self-control. After countless sessions of working towards my goals, I'm pleased to announce that I've graduated from therapy with my therapist—a testament to the progress made on this transformative journey.
So, as I continue to navigate the paths of life, I invite you to join me in embracing the ongoing adventure filled with newfound wisdom, personal growth, and the continued pursuit of self-discovery. Let's embark on this journey with open hearts, ready to seize every opportunity and savour every moment. Stay tuned for the next chapter— It’s going to be a good one.
